Being a Parent

These made me laugh, so I thought I'd post them here. I've had the first one as my signature on a few message boards for a while. It's one of my favourite sayings.

The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

There is only one pretty child in the world and every mother has it.

A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

Anyone who says 'Easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried it.

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Familiarity breeds children.

I love to give homemade gifts... which one of my kids do you want?

If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet I'll put shoes on my cat.

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.

Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.

Mother's of teens know why animals eat their young.

My kids are the reason for everything. The reason everything is out of place, broken and dirty.

Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.

Raising a child is like baking a cake - by the time you find out it's a disaster, it's too late.

The difference between snot and broccoli? Kids won't eat broccoli.

They say kids brighten the home. That's because they never turn the damn lights off.

We child-proofed our home 3 years ago and they're still getting in!

We didn't know what true joy and happiness was until we had kids - then it was to late.

Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mum?

You can tell a child is growing up when he stops asking where he came from and starts refusing to tell you where he's going.