Sunday, March 27, 2011

Eleven Years

Eleven years is a very long time. I don't think I'd noticed before. The years just seemed to rush by, one moulding into the next. Each year bringing with it such gradual changes that I barely noticed them. Life is a pretty fluid thing.

It's only now that Pete and I have decided to split up, and I'm reflecting on all the things we've done, and the places we've been, that eleven years seems like an eternity. We have seen so much, alone and with the children, in those eleven years, that it doesn't seem possible to carry on breathing and seeing the world without my best friend by my side.

I'm having to look back through old photos to help Taylor with his homework, he has to make a slide show of his life, and each photo is like a punch in the stomach. I just feel sick. That photo up there was taken about a month after we met. Sadly I don't think I'll ever be able to look at them and smile again. I just was never perfect enough.

The Invitation by Oriah

It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon...
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.

It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

By Oriah © Mountain Dreaming

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Kit is two!

Kit had his second birthday this weekend, and he was a mixture of crazy and charming as always! We didn't throw him a party as he doesn't really have any friends so didn't see the point. He was happy to just have some new toys I think.