Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Lost Letters

I'm feeling a bit strange today. We had the valuer from the Council coming round today to look at the house so I've been pottering around cleaning this morning. While I was sorting out some stuff in our room I came across some of my old poetry notebooks and stuff like birthday cards and photos. I had a quick flick through, and found some stuff from a period of my life that I try hard to forget on a daily basis. I found two letters that I sent to Michael, Taylor's Dad, after he left me.

He basically talked me into an abortion, then disappeared without a trace for about 6 months. The letters were horrible to read. I sounded very young in them, but also very grown up compared to my peers. I had just turned 18, and had no-one and nothing. It felt bleak going back there in my mind. In them I was telling him that I was keeping the baby, and I could imagine him opening them and being shocked and scared. I wonder if he still has copies? Seeing the letters should have made me feel proud, seeing how far we've come, but I'm a sentimental old fool and find it hard to not dwell in the past. That first year after Taylor was born I wanted Michael back like I'd never wanted him when we were together, and he wasn't interested. Then, I met Pete when Taylor was one, and suddenly Michael was there hinting and flirting. It drove me mad for while.

Of course, I have this little dude to show for it. All the heartache has been worth it. I suppose one other positive thing came out of that period in my life. My poetry then was quite good, and I managed to get a few of them published. I'll just keep telling myself to look for the positives. :)

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