Horseriding

As a treat to cheer me up, after years of us trying to find the time to fit it in, Pete finally took me horseriding last night. I tried to start back up again about 3 years ago, but I didn't like the stables so never went back. I called around a few places, then we went up to book and pay for my lesson on Tuesday afternoon, and I liked the place straight away. We went last night and the horse I was riding, called Josh, was massive! Great news for me, one of the reasons I've left stables in the past was that none of the horses were big enough for me as I'm so tall. I really enjoyed it, the instructor said I was very good considering it's been so long since I've ridden with any regularity, and I'm going to book up to go once a month on a Sunday.

The photos are pretty blurry, as they were taken at night.

Fresh Air

I finally got out in the garden today to clear, weed and fertilise my beds. I feel tired and happy now. Ryan helped me with the weeds and Pete built my little greenhouse. Sadly, in typical Pete fashion, he tried a little too hard and ripped the plastic cover. Oh well, it's still usable, and I did find it quite funny.







This is where my very small patch of maincrop potatoes will be. I've not grown them before, and they do seem to take over the garden if you grow loads, so this will do for this year.


This is the newest addition, part of my yearly expansion plan, which I think will be for carrots and salads.


This is old faithful, my first bed, now sadly moonlighting as the cats bathroom. It wasn't fun picking all her little deposits out, I can tell you. The chicken wire kept our old cat Isla out, but it hasn't fooled Malley.


And a bonus picture of me, just to prove that I don't make my children do all the hard work.

Miserable

This is not a very happy home at the moment. Don't really know what to say, but I've been miserable for ages, months. I feel completely undervalued and unimportant. I ALWAYS come at the bottom of the pile, and if I didn't run Pete's and the kids lives for them nothing would ever happen here. Pete hates his job and takes it out on me and the kids. I've shut my emotions down entirely to protect myself and learnt to keep quiet. Pete has tried really hard this week, bless him, but it's going to take me a while to get back to normal I think. I hope I can. It's been a really tough couple of days.

I still haven't got out into the garden, I will really try tomorrow, it will cheer me up so I know I need to do it. We kept all the kids home and took them out for the day today. Pete has called his boss and said we are having problems and he's staying home to sort them out. So, we've had a chance to try and regroup. It's funny how quickly things can go downhill, isn't it? Really, I have no idea what I'm doing.

I can't contain myself...

...it is nearly time for me to start growing things again. I can't believe it, it felt like this day would never come. My third growing season. The evenings are getting lighter by a minute or so every day, and it notices. I went to the garden centre and bought my onion sets, second early spuds and main crop spuds(this will be my first year with these) on Wednesday. I also bought one of those crappy plastic frame greenhouse things, it's all we have the money and room for, but it means I can start things off earlier this year. I also have a big bag of manure waiting to be dug in, but that will have to wait until next week as I'm busy all weekend. I can vividly remember Pete and I sitting out there digging out that first little square foot of earth, little did I know how addictive it would be.
I sat at the table last night and did my garden plan. This year we are growing lettuce, rocket, spring onions, white & red onions, leeks, carrots, french beans, sweetcorn, swedes, parsnips, potatoes and tomatoes. There are only a few additions on last year, mainly carrots, swedes and red onions. I hope it's another good year, with a bit more sunshine.

Is it Tuesday?

I keep losing track of the days.

Ryan's bike came today, at last. Only 3 weeks after his birthday, but they aren't going on sale in England until February anyway so he was lucky he didn't have to wait even longer for the one he wanted. It's a new design, nowhere here stocks it, so we ordered it from somewhere in Edinburgh. He is dead chuffed with it, he gave me a big hug. I think we may have to surgically remove him from it at bedtime. All of his mates have been fawning over it apparently. I must take some pictures of him on it tomorrow.

I was looking for a particular photograph today, and when I can't find something I get into a panic, especially if it's something sentimental. I went through some old boxes and found my old poems, notebooks and diary's. It was weird, seeing the world through the eyes of a fourteen and fifteen year old. It's hard to believe I have one of those in the house living with me now. It feels like an eternity has passed, but it's also gone so fast. I am the same person I was then, perhaps not as dark, and I have my emotions firmly under control now, but it actually pained me to read through and see how much I was hurting back then. I also found two letters I wrote to Michael, Taylor's Dad, a few years later(about 1998, when I was 18). They were painful to read. One I did send to him at the time telling him I was keeping the baby, and the other was just two pages of blind fury, venom and rage. Thankfully that one wasn't posted, even though he deserved the venom at the time. I wouldn't be able to look him in the eye now if I had. *blushes*

Anyway, I'm having a lovely relaxing evening with a bottle of Rose, Pete is at football and Isobel went to bed early. I love Tuesdays, I get to put my feet up and do bugger all for the evening. :)

Musical Monday

Having totally lost count of what number I'm on, I'm giving up counting. This is quite an old song, and I loved the dance remix of it too by Timo Maas(awesome DJ by the way), but I like the original better.


Muse ~ Sunburn

Another weekend gone.

Well, another busy weekend over and done with. I think Taylor may have round two of the dreaded winter sickness bug, even though we've already had it once before Christmas. He's in bed with the sick bucket, complaining of a headache, so I guess he'll be off school tomorrow. I'm sure it'll only be a matter of time before Ryan is moaning and groaning about being poorly, so we'll get no work done tomorrow.

I was out with friends on Friday night and babysitting on Saturday night, so it didn't feel much like I'd spent any time at home this weekend. I was meant to be doing a roast today, but I felt a bit under the weather and miserable, so Pete took us out for a carvery instead to save me from cooking. I hate this time of year, it's grey and depressing, I can't even do much out in the garden to cheer myself up. Roll on March, that's when it all starts to brighten up.

Next weekend Pete is taking the boys to Portsmouth to watch them play Plymouth in the FA cup, so my Mum is having Isobel and I'm having a lovely day to myself. I can't wait. :) They are going as a birthday treat for Taylor, as he's nine on the 8th Feb. Ryan hasn't had his birthday treat yet either, I think they're going go-karting on the 7th for that. Even though his birthday was a month ago, it is on such an awkward day that we have to put it back a month just to fit it in. It must stink having a birthday on New Years eve.

Well, I promise I'll try and update a bit more this week. :)

Monday

Mondays suck, don't they?

Ryan and I finished off the algebra today, thank god. Of course, we are going to have to revise it in a month or so because he will forget a lot of it. The more he does it the more he will remember. Isobel skipped off to school again today with no fuss, she loves it, and it is sooo quiet here in the afternoons. It's bliss.

Taylor took these pictures of Isobel and I just now. I love her face in the first one. She is not a fan of the camera(unlike her mother, I'm not camera shy!).





Ryan might be going back to school, we haven't heard back yet, but there could be a space. I will miss doing the work with him, it's fun, but I won't miss having him home with me every day. Having the afternoon to myself sounds like a dream right now.

Musical Monday

I just love this song right now, I listen to it on my MP3 player constantly. It is just so beautiful.

Snow Patrol ~ Chasing Cars

Week Off

I'd booked this week off work to make sure Isobel settled in school, which she did, so I've had a nice relaxing week. I made it my mission to teach Ryan Algebra this week, and we've succeeded by sitting down everyday and working through it starting with the basics. We haven't quite finished the harder modules yet, but he managed to get through the end of the module 2 test on his online maths without my help on Friday, and he got 9 out of 10. I'm very pleased with what we've got done in a week.

I vaguely remember talking about problems with my back here a while ago. It's not actually my back, it's my hips, but the pain is in my lower back. It's been really getting me down lately, I've found that my life has become quite restricted on almost a daily basis. Cooking dinner in the evening especially has become agony for me, standing up preparing food leaves me limping(that's if I'm not limping already by that late stage in the day, which I usually am). Queuing in shops, standing still talking to someone, I just can't do it, because it kick starts the burning hip pain and it then won't leave all day no matter how much I rest. I'm pretty sure I know what it is, Sacroiliac Joint Dysfunction, but the diagnosis involves huge scary needles into my pelvis, so I'm terrified. I went to the doctor this week, who was pretty useless and just shrugged his shoulders and said he'd refer me. The most upsetting thing was no-one in this house even asked how it went at the doctors surgery. I limped around the supermarket on Thursday, struggling on, and not one family member noticed. It's awful.

Anyway, enough of my moaning. Other than that I've had a good week, I went to an indoor play area thing with Sam & Harvey on Friday, before Isobel went to school. It was so good to have adult female company for a change, instead of a 14 year old boy. I feel much happier because of it. It does you good to get out. We've got a very busy few weeks as we have lots of birthdays and events coming up. I'd best get drunk at all of them or I won't be able to stand up. :D

Nosey Meme

I've just stolen this from Dan
as I haven't done one for a while, and I'm bored. Anyone who fancies it, consider yourself tagged!

Nosey Meme

- Do you talk in your sleep?
So I've been told.

- Whats your favorite colour jelly?
Anything that looks like it might be berry flavour.

- Whats the song that's getting on your nerves right now?
I can't think...

- Current Crush?
Well, there's my husband...

- Whats your favourite colour?
Any shade of green. It makes me feel happy.

- Window or aisle seat?
I like to see what's going on, so window.

- Ever met anyone famous?
Not really, not anyone that the big wide world would consider famous anyway.

- Do you feel you've had a truly successful life?
Yes, I am happy. I would love that little house in the country with enough room for some chickens and a horse, but that will come with time.

- Do you Twirl or Cut your spaghetti?
I just slurp!

- Dr Phil or Oprah Winfrey?
Chat shows? No chance!

- Basketball or Football?
Football, I guess. I seem to spend my whole life standing in the rain watching it.

- How long do your showers last?
Our shower broke over a year ago, so it's baths here unfortunately.

- Do you know how to drive a car?
I can drive, I've just never bothered to pass my test.

- Are you Self-conscious?
No, I have this built in ability to ignore any feelings of nerves or shyness, and just blunder my way through situations. I don't tend to think about myself and how others view me.

- Have you ever given money to a bum?
Yeah, though I prefer to buy them a sandwich and a coffee.

- Where do you wish you were?
Back in Jamaica.

- Have you ever ridden in an Ambulance?
No.

- Can you Tango?
No!

- Last gift you received?
My camera.

- Last sport you played?
No idea. Tiddlywinks?

- Things you spend money on?
Money? What's that?

- Favourite fast food restaurant?
Subway, if I absolutely have to have fast food.

- Most hated food?
Rollmop Herrings. Ugh.

- Can you sing?
Well, I used to sing in a band, and have got up on stage and sung solos for a charity show put on by my work, so kind of, yes.

- Last person you called?
My work colleagues, just to say hi as I've missed them this week.

- Whats your least favourite chore?
Ironing.

- Favourite drink?
Champagne!

- Are you a Vegetarian?
Kind of, I only eat fish.

- Do you believe in Heaven?
Kind of. I believe in a higher plane, where we go when we are finished here.

- Do you miss someone?
Yes. Lots.

- Have you ever come close to dying?
No.

- Are you eating?
No, it's 12.30am.

- Do you eat the stems off broccoli?
Yes.

- Do you wear makeup?
Always.

- Whats your worst fear?
Oh god, how can I even answer that. Too many, mostly involving my kids.

- Would you ever have plastic surgery?
Yes, not now, but maybe one day.

- What do you wear to bed?
Nothing at all.

- Have you ever done anything illegal?
Hmmmm...what do you think?

- Do you ever want to get married?
Just did.

- What kind of trainers do you usually wear?
Converse.

- Future childs names?
Probably Bryony or Cora for a girl, Dominic or Ciaran for a boy.

- Do you snore?
Umm, yes.

- If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?
Egypt.

- Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
Only my husband.

- If you won the lottery, what would you do first?
Buy my dream derelict house, and start renovations.

- Gold or Silver?
Silver.

- Hamburger or hotdog?
Neither!

- If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Seafood pasta.

- What was the last thing you touched?
Wouldn't you like to know?

- Where did you eat last?
On the sofa.

- When was the last time you cried?
A few days ago.

- Do you read other peoples blogs?
Loads!

First day of School

Isobel's first day went well today. She was clearly up for it anyway, much more so than the last time we tried to send her to the nursery. She skipped all the way there, and as soon as we got through the doors she was off. The staff asked her if I could go and leave her and she just said "Go home Mum". Nice. Of course, tomorrow will be the real test, as she'll know what to expect. I am sure she will be fine though.

Musical Monday #...I have no idea!

This song just sums up how I'm feeling today.

Fancy Dress

I've been trying to get on here to post my New Years Eve pics for days, but as I was back to work the last two days, it's been manic.
We went to a fancy dress party, but as we are extremely poor after Christmas we had to make do with making costumes from whatever we had at home, Pete went as Adam Ant(wearing my Mum's clothes - scary), I was a hippy, Ryan went as an Emo/Goth, and Taylor as a Chav. It was quite funny to see the boys swap roles, as their styles tend to be round the other way.

Pete with Tony...sorry Adam Ant and James Bond.

Me with Jeanette

Ryan wearing makeup...even worse it suited him!

Taylor the Chav
Brian & Leigh

Another one of me.


The girls doing karaoke.

It was a good party, until it came to home time. We were told we had a 3 hour wait for a cab. The people whose party it was were very clear about the fact that they wanted no-one in their house until 5am waiting, and we were told to walk a mile to the taxi rank. With children. At 2am in the rain. There was a man there who hadn't been drinking, but he refused to do three drop offs into Basildon(we were in Wickford at the time). Tony had to call his Mum and wake her up, even though she had to work the next day. I couldn't believe the trouble we had, it was embarrassing. We won't be going there again!

Happy New Year

I haven't had a chance to get on here for days, so this could be a long one(or lots of smaller ones). Happy New Year to everyone, here's to a good 2008. Last year was a weird one for us, some good, some bad. I hope we have a good time for the majority of 2008.

I took the kids over to the park on their bikes at the weekend. Isobel is really speedy on hers now, I have to run to keep up with her. I am loving the new camera, even if it is bloody huge, and I have to try and keep it hidden. I'm a bit worried I'll get mugged for it.









After a very stressful week of Ryan talking to everyone with an attitude problem and being really mean to Taylor, and me getting annoyed with Ryan because of it, I remembered that his Mum had phoned for a row the week before Christmas, as she does every year(it's getting boring now, third year in a row). He always does this when she upsets him, lashes out at us, so we sat down and talked about it and everything is much better now. He doesn't even realise he's doing it, poor lad. He wants us to change our phone number, which we'll have to think about, I guess.

It was his 14th Birthday on New Years Eve, almost the worst day for your birthday to fall on, except for Christmas. We all went out for lunch as a treat, and he had a few little bits to open. His bike won't arrive for a week or so, it's coming from a cooperative all the way in Edinburgh, but it's the one he wants and the only place that stocks it, so he doesn't mind waiting.