Thursday, July 20, 2006

Back to work

I went back to work today and it was very weird, being surrounded by elderly women. One lady, Rose, who I adore, really reminds me of my Nan. I nearly burst into tears in the dining room at work, and tonight I just feel out of sorts. I fell asleep on the sofa straight after dinner, then came upstairs. Pete has gone out for a few drinks(it's my turn to go out on Saturday!), so I'm hogging the PC.
I'm in work early tomorrow, which sucks, then that's it for a few days. Taylor is staying at his real Dad's Friday & Saturday, and I have Becky staying over for the weekend. I'm actually feeling pretty antisocial right now, so I'll have to get my head together before she gets here.

I was supposed to be going away in a few weeks, but we are having to pay almost £500 towards the funeral. We are having financial problems left, right and centre at the moment, since the car blew up really, and I just can't do it. I'd be an irresponsible and bad parent if I go, as my children will have to give things up for me to be able to afford it. That's not fair, and it's not how things work in this family. Pete keeps saying that I should go, but secretly he's really worrying about the money, he's making himself ill actually, and I wouldn't enjoy spending that money that is much needed so selfishly. The school holidays are upon us and we can't even afford to do anything with the kids like days out or special treats, plus it's nearly time for new uniforms and football team signing on fees. Life pretty much sucks right now. We aren't spending any time with each other and are drifting further and further apart, plus Pete hates his job and wants to leave. I feel crap because of Nan and don't actually want to put the effort in with our relationship, but if I don't lord knows what might happen. Cheerful, aren't I?

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