This is me when I was 17, holding my friends baby girl. I haven't changed much, just got a bit fatter!

This will turn into a rant so back away slowly now.

We are good parents and quite strict with the kids, but we have absolutely no idea how to deal with a child as messed up as Ryan.

This week has been one 'family meeting' or 'talking to' after another and he just doesn't care(like most boys his age). He is negative, destructive, sneaky and a liar. He has basically learnt all his Mums worst character traits in the 11 years he was with her, and it's going to take a whole lot of work to undo that. He's quite psychologically damaged and he is seeing a counselors about his problems.

'Talking to' number 1 was because a neighbor stopped me in the supermarket and said she's told Ryan off outside for having a 'disgusting mouth'. He was basically swearing, and I was annoyed because the woman who stopped me is the biggest scumbag in our block. She swears like a sailor and smoked drugs all through her pregnancies. I do not need to be judged by someone like that, thank you very much! We are taking 10p off his money for each swear word we hear muttered, and if we get any more complaints he loses a weeks worth. It seems to be working(he's only lost 10p this week).
'Talking to' number 2 was because both the boys never pick up after themselves around the house and I've snapped. I've gone on strike and we are punishing them by taking away 10p of their pocket money for each item dumped.
Then this morning we think Ryan took a £1 coin without asking. We haven't said anything because we can't be 100% sure, but we hate lying and cheating and stealing in this house and he will get a smacked backside if he has. We are going to set him up over the next few weeks and see if he takes anymore. His Football will be stopped if we see he has.

Finally he brought a letter home today saying his behaviour in French class is unacceptable(his whole class got the letter, but that's no excuse), and that he talks too much and never listens. We are running out of ideas of how to punish him. We are sitting him down for a chat but don't know what path to take.
We've told him a hundred times that if his behaviour and school reports degenerate his Mum will have grounds in court to have him back with her and back to her religion. Poor Pete is going to have to stand up in court and defend our parenting because Ryan can't be bothered to behave. At his Mums he was so restricted that he couldn't breathe without permission, but here we are open and discuss things. Basically he sees this as a free ride and is now taking the mick. He just doesn't get it.

We do lots of positive reinforcement and me and Ryan have a good relationship(we've just been making rice crispy cakes together YUM!). I just don't want him turning into a thug, he can do so much better.