Sunny September

We've had a few days out, in between running hundreds of errands. How did we ever find the time to work fulltime? It seems impossible! The weather has been beautiful here. Hopefully it will stay that way for a few weeks yet. We took Kit to the seaside for a walk(and fish and chips for us);







Then last weekend we went to Thorndon Country Park to look for mushrooms. It hasn't really been wet enough here to find any great amounts, and there were no edible ones, but we did find a few. Isobel is getting good at spotting them for me.





A Fly Agaric with a few nibbles taken out of it;





Apart from our little day trips, it's all very manic here. We are decorating, well, my Mum is doing the majority. We are always running around ferrying kids, paying bills, buying food, posting Ebay stuff...my feet barely touch the ground. I have just painted some of the woodwork in the bathroom tonight though, so I am trying to fit some decorating in somewhere.

Kit has two little teeth now, but the emergence of said teeth has put him firmly off his food so we are back to square one with solids. He was having three small meals a day; porridge, yogurt, then either fruit or veg puree for tea, but now he has nothing. He has a little ulcer on the end of his tongue where he keep rubbing it over his teeth, bless him.

Here he is demolishing a rusk on one of his rare co-operative days;

Things happen for a reason

My work still haven't contacted me about the funding, and they knew the cut off was Friday, so balls to them! I have now secured a loan through the OU, and will be paying for it myself. My cleaning job will pay for it. I think this possibly has happened for a reason, because it means that I am only tied to my job until October next year, just in time for us to hopefully move. We've decided we are going to try and get the house ready and get out of here before the older boys leave their respective schools. If we don't manage it then a least we tried. I like having a time frame for things. Hopefully we can get the majority of the decorating done by March/April.

We had a rather amusing phone call this week. Ryan's Mum left Pete with a lot of mortgage debts when they split, and she's changed her name lots of times to stop them catching up with her. She has now got a debt collection agency after her. We had the same one after us years ago, but we paid our dues.

We were forced to pay Pete's half of the debt when I was pregnant with Isobel 6 years ago, all my money for baby stuff went on paying it off, we really struggled as we were paying her £650 a month maintenance for Ryan at the time, plus this debt, we could barely eat and she didn't give a monkeys. She was spending our maintenance money on designer handbags and treadmills, and we were scrabbling down the back of the sofa for enough money to buy bread. Our electric used to go off the day before payday and we'd have to sit in the dark. We were seriously poor. But we paid it and got on with it.

She's just been bleating on the phone as she now has to pay £6000 and she thinks we've dobbed her in. We didn't, if we were going to we would've done it years ago when we were struggling. She has paid zero to us for Ryan since he's lived here-4 years, he's had pocket money off her for the last year and that's it. Divine retribution in action.

Couldn't have happened to a nicer person, really. She didn't even ask to speak to Ry when she called. Nice.

Still waiting

I am still chasing and harassing my work about my course funding. I've had to call every day, and they are always all either on leave or in meetings, and they never call me back. I've managed to discover that my senior manager has agreed to pay for it, instead of training having to find it, but she is now taking forever to transfer the money across. I have to have the forms done and in the post by Wednesday as I've already had two extensions to the enrolment date. I don't hold out much hope. :( Expect much wailing and gnashing of teeth. If I don't do next year I just know I won't do the degree. If I lose momentum that'll be it.

In more miserable news, I sent Michael, Taylor's Dad, an email a week and a half ago practically begging him to come and see Taylor. He hasn't seen him for months and months, the last time was before the summer holidays, and his behaviour is starting to get bad because of it. He gets really angry with the world. Michael hasn't replied. Granted he might not have seen it yet, but I doubt it. I can't call him because he changed his mobile number and hasn't given me the privilege of his new one. Even better, Sian decided she wouldn't bother seeing Ryan this summer at all as it cost too much and was too far, then proceeded to visit London for the weekend where she could've easily met up with him for lunch or something(she lives 150 miles away, we are only 30 minute drive from London), but didn't bother. Words fail me sometimes.

Feeling a little helpless

I've gotten myself into a bit of a predicament with a friend. Last year my friend C and I made friends with another woman with children in the local school. We all started having coffee together, and got quite close. When I had Christian they really rallied around me and helped me out. When I had revision to do earlier this year, it was these friends who picked Isobel up for me so I could study. They've both been bloody good friends.

In May, the other friend, T, left her violent partner and went to a women's refuge. Unfortunately she continued to see him behind the authorities backs, got caught out seeing him on more than one occasion, and was whisked off to a town 20 miles away to protect her children. She then stupidly continued to see him, and now has care plans in place and core group meetings with Social Services being held about the children's welfare. She decided she'd like the ride to stop and came back to her original empty house this weekend, but once Social Services are involved you can't just tell them to go away. I popped round there today and she gave me the minutes of the Core Group meeting to have a read through, detailing the case against them, and she is totally oblivious to what is about to happen. Both of us have tried to tell her that she is about to lose her children over this, but she won't have it. She is still seeing him, and refuses to stop. She's walked away from the second refuge 20 miles away and come back here to him, expecting them to just let this drop. She is having another baby in a few months too, and at this rate will be handing it over at the hospital.

I called a friend in the know tonight for advice, which was a pretty cool thing for her to do for me as we've only spoken online before, and she's helped me get my head straight. I'm going back round to T's tomorrow for a cuppa so it's my last chance to lay it all on the line for her. I think Pete thinks I'm mad for trying to talk sense into her, but I wouldn't be a very good friend if I just stood back and let it all happen. I'm pretty sure she is beyond help, this situation is way too complex for me to deal with, but I have to give it one last try before they swoop in and take her children away.

It's such a stupid situation to get yourself in. :(

Contented

I can't explain why really, but family life seems really settled right now. I think having them back in school helps. I know we have money issues, and I'm worrying about my degree sponsorship, but the kids are all doing really well and behaving themselves and Pete and I get lots of time together.

Ryan seems to have turned a corner behaviour wise. Taking his Xbox away for a couple of months earlier on in the summer was the best thing we ever did. He went mental to start with to try and get us to give in, but we can be really tough parents(which I'm sure the kids hate), and he seems to have given up fighting us. We don't get much rudeness, laziness, self-entitled attitude or horrible behaviour from him now, he's actually quite pleasant to have around. It's like we have broken in a wild horse!

I really enjoy watching them grow up, especially the older boys. Ryan took Taylor to watch a football match on their own at Southend FC this week, and I love seeing them have a little bit of independence away from home. I get a lot of joy out of having older kids, and talking about 'grown-up' stuff with them, like careers and college. Ryan isn't 100% sure what he wants to do, but thinks he will do A Level Business and Media at college. Taylor wants to do Motor Sport Engineering, and he's pretty committed to that, but I wouldn't be surprised if he changed his mind. He has 6 years of school left yet, but we always knew he'd do something like that. He's good with his hands. He's very good at technical drawings too so I'm encouraging him to think about car design as another option. Isobel likes to join in with the conversation and her career aspirations have been known to change daily, and have ranged from a teacher, to a zookeeper, to the lofty heights of an ice cream lady.

Kit has really changed mentally and physically this week. He's having a massive growth spurt and will not stop eating and drinking. He is starting to want entertaining, and you can see the little cogs in his brain whirring round trying to figure stuff out. He's got very grabby, has to touch everything, most of which then goes in his mouth for a little taste...even grass!



He is seriously adorable and so cuddly. His hair has sprouted this week too, not that you can see it, he still looks like a little cue-ball from a distance. I think he's going to be white blonde like Taylor was at that age. I sometimes wish he wasn't so easy to look after as I know I'll end up broody...again! No more babies for me though. It would be easier if he was a pain and a little more off putting.

Upset

I am so upset with my work. They have had my sponsorship forms to enrol on year two of my degree for over a month now. I've called four times to get them to sign it off, the final date came and went and I've managed to get two extensions from the university, people never call me back when they say they will...it's getting very frustrating. I finally got an answer today; it's been signed but now they have run out of money! So that's the end of that then. :( The training budget has all gone. They are trying to find funding elsewhere for me, but you just know I'll get a call next week giving me bad news. I can't believe it.

Senior School

I'm not a worrier by nature and normally make quick decisions about things, but this Senior School Application for Taylor is doing my head in and keeping me awake at night. Parenting older children is so hard.

Taylor is doing really well in primary school, especially as we always expected average at best for him and the teachers/doctors thought he had Aspergers. He has matured massively since turning 8 and is doing really well now. He is above average in his maths/english and has been picked out as being gifted in art. He knows what he wants to do with his life(motor sport engineer) and is massively committed to that goal(unlike Ryan - he hasn't got a clue!) He is still a bit of a clown at times, lacks concentration, and is niave and easily led. This is where my concerns lie with sending him to a rough school with poor GCSE attainment.

My choices are three out-of-catchment schools with over-subscription; a catholic school which has always had plenty of spaces until this year and is now over-subscribed(seems everyone just realised it was a good school); or the school over the road that is dire and has about a 12% pass rate at GCSE.

Pete thinks I should just send him to the school that Ryan goes to(none of the above), but I don't think they'll push Taylor enough and it is almost 4 miles away and a pig to get to. Ryan is naturally clever, but lazy, and would've passed his GCSE's no matter where he went. Taylor is not naturally as clever, but is hard working when pushed and would definitely do better at a different school.

I've never had to do this year 6 thing before as Ryan was a mid-year application. Shall I just put down the three out-of-catchments schools, then the Catholic school, and hope for the best? I'm terrified they are going to make me send him over the road to the crappy one.

Can someone please come and do it for me?

Thorpe Park

Thanks to my lovely in-laws we had a trip out for the day to Thorpe Park on Saturday. They sent us some money specifically to take them out for the day, and seeing as it was something we'd promised but were struggling to fund it was perfect!





We had such a good day. I used to love theme parks and rides, but I seem to have lost my nerve in the last few years. It's age creeping up on me I suppose. Pete, Taylor and Ryan went on Saw as soon as we got there, which was probably a good thing as it was pretty horrific. I don't think we would've got Taylor or Pete on it if they'd had time to think about it too much. Ryan wouldn't have cared, he'll go on anything. While they were in the 90 minute queue for Saw, I took Isobel on the log flume, which she hated with a passion even though she'd been on similar at Legoland last year and was fine. Seems I'm not the only one who has lost their nerve.

I normally get bored and want to go home by tea time, but the queues got smaller and we got to go on stuff twice as the day wore on, so we stayed until 7.30pm. The best roller coaster there for me was Colossus, it was amazing!

Exam results

Ryan sat some early GCSE's in June, in Maths and English. He still has a year left of school, but taking some of the exams early takes the pressure off. If they fail they then have a year to resit them. We collected his results yesterday and he got C's for both. We are so pleased for him!

New Photos

I took these this week. It's nice to have another little person to photograph!




Hmmm...I wonder what these taste like?





Boo!

Holidays nearly over

We took the kids for a picnic to Hadleigh Farm last week, where it proceeded to rain on and off all day and was bloody freezing.

August. Greyer and more miserable than January.



Isobel had a donkey ride. Her donkey was called Joseph, and was a grumpy little bugger. He had a fight with another donkey while Isobel and another child clung on for dear life.

The farm sells the obligatory bags of animal feed for you to wander round with. The only problem was the farm was so rammed with visitors that by the afternoon all the animals looked at you in disgust when you presented them with yet another handful of stinking sheep pellets. You could just tell from the desperation in their eyes that they'd much rather have some of your picnic. Maybe a jam doughnut, or scotch egg.

We also had a lovely day out to Grays Beach on Wednesday, which isn't really a beach(it is on the Thames-don't swim in it, it's grim!), but has an amazing sandy playground and water fountain park, bouncy castle and go-karts. I can't believe that we haven't been before. We were there literally all day. It also has this really bizarre setting, like being on holiday, but with huge industrial buildings looming over you.


Even better, it was about thirty degrees yesterday, so we didn't get rained on for a change.






Ryan is now not going to his Mums. After weeks of messing him about, she calls and says she would rather send him the money she would've spent on travelling to get him/get him to her, which was £70. Fine, she's still saving herself hundreds of pounds by not having to feed him or entertain him for a week, so everyone is a winner. Except, she has let him down again and instead of the promised £70, only given him £20. He was planning on saving that to put towards his moped insurance at Christmas.

I've had a good day today. We decided about two weeks ago that I was probably going to have to get a second job to up my hours, and also go back to my main job early. I really didn't want to have to put Kit into childcare, or get Isobel picked up from school by someone else, so I'm really happy that Pete will be at home with the kids. That is worth its weight in gold as far as I'm concerned. He was home with Isobel a few days week for two years and they are so close because of it. I had an interview for a little second job today, cleaning a doctors surgery, and they called me this afternoon to offer me it!

We have some big decisions to make this year about Taylor's senior school, as we have to choose in a few months. The school I wanted him to go to has been under subscribed for years, but it looks like this year everyone else has had the same idea as us and they were fully subscribed. He'll never get in as baptised Catholics get first refusal. Our local schools only have a 20-30% pass rate at GCSE, which won't do Taylor any favours really. He's a good learner IF he is taught, leaving him to get on with it means he will learn nothing. He will do well if he's pushed, he learns easily. Ryan's senior school isn't great for setting e extra work, or even homework, or getting them to do the coursework, hence the 30% pass rate. This has been not so bad for Ryan, who is naturally clever(but lazy with it!), he'll probably do OK in his exams regardless, but Taylor wouldn't. Not sure what to do really. I think we are going to have to either try our hardest to move, or accept that he isn't going to do very well. How on earth will we be able to move in time? It's not an option really. Bugger.

Useless parents

I know very well that I should be used to this mess after all these years, and shouldn't get annoyed by it, but sometimes Ryan's mum does something so bloody ridiculous I can't help but get into a rage. Most of the time we just laugh at her, including Ryan.

When Ryan was living with her Pete payed £600 a month maintenance. He's been with us 4 years now and we've never had a single penny from her. She has been giving Ryan erratic pocket money for a year.

As Pete is out of work we've been in touch with all the usual benefits people, income support etc. to see what we can get help with, and they are pushing us to get maintenance from her. If we don't claim it from her they will. So, Pete called her up and explained to her what was going on. Her first reaction? "Can't Claire support you all. Can't she pay for Ryan?". The cheek of the woman!! Then she said "Can't Claire's family help you out?" I am still in shock four days later that she can't hear herself, and can't see how pathetic that is. She gave birth to the child, she should at least be a little bit concerned that we are struggling to put food on the table!

She has agreed to give us a hilariously small amount, and carry on giving Ryan a smaller amount too, but has refused to set up a direct debit, so we'll probably get it when she feels like it, just like she does with his pocket money. She even said "Aren't I good paying you this money?". Err, no, he is YOURS after all.

Even more annoyingly, she is really stringing Ryan along about when he can come and stay. She won't make any firm plans, said he could go next Monday and she'd call him to make arrangements last night, she didn't, it's now Saturday lunchtime and still no call. He says if he can't go on Monday he won't bother as he doesn't want to go for the last week of the holidays. When he tells her that she'll go bananas at him.

What is wrong with these absent parents? Michael hasn't even bothered to call Taylor either. He will have a stroppy phone call winging it's way to him from me very soon, which I never do. *shakes head*

Summer holidays on a budget

Trying to find things to do as a family that don't cost the earth is a nightmare. With only one wage coming in it's been even harder than usual this year. It's important that the children feel like they've done things over the summer break. We are a very experience driven family, rather than possession driven, and I want them to have fun memories of their childhood. It doesn't help when the weather is so unpredictable either. We went swimming last week and met up with friends, you only got an hour time slot in the pool due to it being overcrowded, and it cost us £15. Luckily we had packed picnics and we went to one of my childhood haunts afterwards, The Splash, which is FREE!

The water is bloody freezing!


This is where it gets it's name from:


Playing pooh sticks on the bridge:




Taylor fell in about 30 seconds later. He always falls in.


Isobel went in too. She was distracted by a galloping Labrador that was passing by through the river and lost her balance. She was not amused and refused to let me take her picture from that point on.

Learning to ride a bike

My Mum is the family expert at teaching children to ride bikes, I haven't got the patience and there is definitely a knack to it. She taught Isobel this week, and within two days she was whizzing around like a pro.



She can even do corners!


Punk Rock Taylor! I cut his hair into a Mohican for the school holidays.


No hands!

Howard

I've made this little dude to send to a friend in the post along with some goodies to cheer her up. Isobel chose his name!

Kit

I know I am biased but I seriously think I have the sweetest baby in the whole world. He is quiet, sunny, and loves to just sit up and watch the world go by. As long as he is sat up he is happy. Lay him down and you get told off! He can't wait to get moving and spends most of the day wriggling, rolling, shuffling and grunting in frustration trying to get somewhere.



He will be 20 weeks this Friday, that has gone so quickly. Pete was just saying it feels as though he's always been a part of the family, and it really does. Kit being here hasn't really changed our lives or routines, he just tags along with us with a smile on his face. We've finally cracked the bedtime routine, he goes up at 8ish for a cuddle with one of us, but because he sleeps fitfully until about 10.30pm we don't put him in bed until then, and he doesn't wake up until 7am. It's been bliss! He really is a pleasure to have around, even more so now he sleeps at night.

PYO

We went to the Pick Your Own farm today, which was quite a drive for a punnet of Raspberries, but fun all the same! We went to Lathcoats Farm just outside of Chelmsford.

I always loved going as a child, and can't believe that this was the first time we'd taken Isobel. My overriding memory of it is the day in July 1994 when my Dad turned up to collect me alone, as Pauline was at her Mum's bedside watching the cancer finally win. We picked strawberries at a farm in Mersea, then went for a picnic and a paddle in The Splash, which is a river that runs across a road. I've taken my brood there a few times, but never to do the fruit picking part that preceeded it. I remember that my Dad and I kind of knew that Mary had gone, even though there were no mobile phones back then so we had no way of actually knowing.

Running through the orchard


Painted Lady




It's all a bit dull here right now as we are in limbo with Pete's work. It's his payday on Thursday but we have no idea whether he will be getting paid anything at all. If he doesn't it's not going to be a very fun summer for any of us. I'm currently selling anything and everything on Ebay, which has to be the most labour intensive way to make not a lot of money ever!